Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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