There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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