Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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