At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
