Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
