tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
