Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
