you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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