Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
