My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
