New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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