I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
