doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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