fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
