i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
