Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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