How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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