youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
