You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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