The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His hands were made for my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
