In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
