i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit