things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...