Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead