im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
