i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
