you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
