Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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