well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
