Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
