my soul wont recognize me after tonight
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
