i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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