idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
