youre lurking in front of me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
cat food counts as protein by the way
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
