So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
