Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i think i just lost a toe
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
