when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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