Only a mothe r could love this liver
She announced her abortion via fbk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
