Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
