I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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