my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
