Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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