I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
