All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
