I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
