You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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