I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
