You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This house was built for laser tag.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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