No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it glows. i had to have it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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