it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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