i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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