Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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