Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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