Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
