did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
