i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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