i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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