last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
