Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
