The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
