its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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