so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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