it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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