Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
