Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
