morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
