Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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