My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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